Pathetic Post Script!

Well.... I was nearly right - it wasn't quite Man Flu but a really bad case of Man Cold! I thought I'd post a picture of my best friend over the past week or so - LemSip Max Strength - that Lemon flavoured germ warrior and friend to man's wellbeing! God bless those Champerton people at Reckitt Benckiser!

If truth be known I've barely had the strength to push down the keys on my keyboard - but the thought of a nice steaming cup of Lemsip enabled the creative juices to flow once again. Champerton!

However, I remain somewhat non-plussed... why is the Blackcurrant version of this wonderful medicine still called LemSip? Discuss.

Sorry.... all this activity.. it's too much, too soon - I've reached overload already!

'Garcon - another LemSip over here s'il vous plait (Sniff)!

Champerton!!

Man Flu

Mmmmm.... think I might possibly be coming down with a bout of Man Flu. Now... let's be clear on this - Man Flu is the real thing and not the watered down version that women contract. When us men come down with Man Flu we have no other choice but to retire to our beds and cuddle up to a Lemsip!

Women on the other hand seem perfectly able to carry on quite normally with their daily routines - blissfully unaware of the traumas and suffering that us poor blokes have to endure. Their lack of sympathy or concern underlines their complete ignorance of just how nasty it is to have Man Flu - or even a Man Cold come to that! However, the more educated woman (a minority I have to say) recognizing the severity of the condition will reprimand any bold attempt by her man to return to work with the command ' Get back to bed at once!' Ah that all women were like this!!

However, for most of us, as we languish beneath the duvet with a fever of 101 and racked with pain, we are subjected to humiliating taunts and are bombarded with such scathing comments as ' You'd know what real pain is if you had to have a baby' or 'Do you have any idea what it's like to break a fingernail?' - and this from people who can't even sneeze properly! How dreadfully un- Champerton of them!!

I've had to go through 8 pregnancies and I didn't feel a thing!

Well, my strength is all but gone - bashing this keyboard has quite exhausted me - although I have soldiered on bravely in the face of Man Flu with scarcely a whimper. I hope you're proud of me chaps!

However, before I completely alienate all my wonderful female readers can I just say.....

' Oym onchly jowshing'........ which is what 'I'm only joking' sounds like when your tongue is firmly in your cheek!

Aaaachhooooo! Night Night Sooty! Night night everybody! (Sniff)

Shooooz

Now.... I want to tell you about my Champerton friend Philippa. She sits next to me here in the BBC and is the Emelda Marcos of the organisation. Even though I've asked her she is unable to tell me exactly how many pairs of shoes she actually possesses.

Philippa believes that Gordon (the Chancellor of the Exchequer) should allow women tax credits in order for them to be able to buy more shoes (oh....and handbags fit loosely into this category too!). Simply mention Jimmy Choo or Prada and a glazed expression descends upon her lovely features, and she disappears into a world all of her own - sometimes for hours at a time!

I've tried to get her to subscribe to the school of thought that believes that 3 pairs of shoes are enough for anyone - but she just looks at me with a look that can kill at 50 paces!

Before she beats me to within an inch of my life - the pair of shoes on the right (above) are not part of Philippa's collection. Just want to make that very clear!! (though I suspect she would love to own a pair like the one on the left!).

Do all women think in this thoroughly non-Champerton way?? Discuss.

Spring Onions!

No - panic ye not - I've not entered the seedy (get it? - seedy - oh the wit of the man!) world of Alan Titchmarsh.

No - Spring Onions is my over familiar nickname for the greatest Christian Conference on the planet:

SPRING HARVEST!!

If you're a Christian and you've never been to Spring Onions you really don't know what you're missing. Come to that if you're NOT a Christian and you've never been to Spring Onions then - quite frankly - you've never lived! Yours truly was at the very first one in 1979 in Prestatyn (N. Wales) with my good friend Richard and around 2000 other people attending. Spring Onions now provides places for over 70000 people on 2 sites across a number of weeks. We literally take over 2 of the largest Butlins holiday camps in the UK.

Now I know what you're thinking... Butlins..Easter...Hi-de-Hi.... well, let me re-assure you that Butlins is a lot different these days - warm comfortable chalets, really good food, and hardly a Red Coat in sight - would I lie to you??

Since 1986 I have been heading north each Easter to Skeggie (that's Skegness UK to the un-initiated) as part of an army of volunteers who look after the Under 5's.

Mad you say! Wrong I say! It's absolutely brilliant. For the past 14 years or so I've been priveliged to lead some wonderful teams of volunteers in providing Under 5's with the time of their lives - puppets, singing stories, games are just a few of hte things we get up to. It's hard work but incredibly rewarding - and unbelievably great fun! It's just like becoming a big kid - it's mega Champerton!

I've put a link to the site and would really really encourage you to consider either attending a guest...OR (even better).... volunteer to be on one of the teams - either at Skeggie or Minehead (where my mate Brian goes!). There is always a last minute panic for volunteers - so please do give it some serious thought and prayer!

Either way I guarantee you won't regret it!

Post Script Re: Flying Discs!

I thought an update might be in order regarding the progress of 'Thundering Herd' in the WUCC - you remember... that mixed team of frisbee chuckers from London.

Well.. I logged on t'other day to t'Internet and I regret to advise you that the news was not very champerton! Our gallant heroes didn't thunder very much from what I 'herd' (Get it - herd..heard - oh please yourselves).

No I think it's fair to say that they were getting well and truly stuffed when I looked. They'll be home now - no doubt bruised and missing a few teeth. Still - better luck next time fellas!

Never mind - let's hope our brave cricketers will have better fortunes down under. I think hope is probably the operative word...

Christians in Sport

So..... Christians in Sport - what's it all about? Well.... the clue is sort of in the name really - it's all about Christians who play sport!

Well actually it's an awful lot more than that! Based in Bicester this truly Champerton organisation look to support Christian sportsmen and women across the UK whilst trying to promote a sense of fair play and Christian values within schools and youth groups. It seems that in order to be a part of CIS you have to agree to a shortening of your surname or that a 'y' or an 'o' is suffixed. So, for example, Colin Wells (who jointly runs the academy with 'Lancs') is known to everyone as 'Wellsy' - I think you get the idea! (He came to stay with us and several times didn't answer when I called him Colin!!)

As I mentioned in my previous post my son Sam is joining the CIS Academy in January for six months. During that time he will be working with teachers and youth leaders to try to promote a different and better attitude to playing sport. Whether they admit it or not a lot of people - especially kids - look to sports personalities as role models in life. The crazy thing is a lot of these role models display a very poor image where integrity and fair play are concerned. You see it every week on Match of the Day - a player gets beaten fairly so he 'has no other option' (really?) but to chop someones legs from under them, or dive in the box in the hope of fooling the ref into giving him a penalty. These so called professionals have a huge responsibility for the attitudes of those view them as heroes - yet all to frequently we see open dissent on pitches throughout the land, with every referee's decision questioned and appalling language to boot - you don't need to be a lip reader to work it out what they are saying either!

I've never been able to understand what satisfaction there is in winning by cheating - whether that's through taking performance enhancing drugs or unfair play (or what is bizarrely referred to as exercising gamesmanship!!).

For me, one of my favourite oxymorons is 'professional foul'! Surely that's just a term used to avoid the embarrassment of having to refer to someone honestly for what they really are - a cheat!

Anyway my prayers will be with Sam and everyone else involved in this Champerton organisation - and I hope your's will be too! - especially that he won't come back as Samo, Panns or Pannelly!!

Footie again!

This bloggin' can be a bit of a drain on the already overstretched time resources! I can't believe that over a week has gone by since my last entry.

I've had two weekends packed full of footie - I've spent literally hours on some touchline or other - armed only with my faithful flask of Rosie Lee.

Chelmsford City continue to excel - beating Boreham Wood 2-nil to go sixth in the table, and then last Saturday - a capacity crowd at Melbourne to see them hold Aldershot to a draw in the F.A. Cup First Round proper! City put up a great fight and really could have won the game quite easily. The piccie shows one of our strikers Kezie Ibe taking on two of the Conference Leaguers single handed. Great stuff!

Captain Claret the City Parrot was in fine form too!

However, I've also been loyally supporting our Church team (St. Andrew's Bicknacre) who have recently joined the Chelmsford and District Church League. It's quite a bit different from yer common or garden footie league. The Church is allowed to field a number of non Church goers in its side. Our team is coached by my old friend John Woodrow and includes my eldest son Sam. It's a great outreach and it's amazing to see both sides gathered for prayer before kick-off.

St Andrew's have played really well every game but have had mixed fortunes - winning 7-2 one week and losing to the bottom side 1-nil (We hit everything except the net - honest!)

The league holds to many of the ethics that are championed by Christians in Sport - a champerton organisation close to my heart as Sam will be joining their academy in January for six months.

More about them another time...

Flying Discs!

It's very humbling when you realise that there's a whole world out there that you didn't even know existed!

Now....to you and me a Frisbee is a plastic disc that gets dangerously chucked around on the beach by butch looking posers, and usually has a couple of teeth - human or canine - embedded within it - Right? - WRONG! - well... yes - it is that - but it's so much more!

In a routine business conversation with a colleague of mine, he casually mentioned that tomorrow he's off to Perth (one of my most favourite places in Australia) on holiday. Further interrogation revealed that he is going there with a group of other people to take part in the WFDF (that's the World Flying Disc Federation to you and me) World Ultimate Club Championships. Now the clue is in the title - Flying Disc (you can see where this is going can't you?)
Yep - there's a sport out there called 'Ultimate' that I knew nothing about until today. According to the spectators' guide on the web site (Yep - they've got one of those too) it's a non-contact sport that combines elements of football, netball, grid iron and touch football - but most importantly involves a frisbee (or should that be flying disc) and is played on a proper pitch that's 125 yards long! You have to catch the frisbee in your opponent's end zone to score, and catch this (sorry - bad pun)- there are no referees! Now that's Champerton!

It's incredible - there are literally dozens of teams descending on Perth from all over the World! My colleague Jonathan is playing for a Mixed (yes -mixed) team called Thundering Herd.

I've posted a link on this site so that you too can go in and be amazed - and humbled by your hitherto ignorance!

Didgeridoo or Didgeridon't

I saw in the paper today that Rolf has at last received some recognition for his services to entertainment - he might be an Aussie but the man is a legend and a genius! Rolf Harris CBE - quite right too!

For as long as I can remember I have always been amazed that God should bless one person with so many different skills and talents. And he's a genuinely nice bloke too. On one of his many visits to the BBC he drew a special picture for my son Josh, and left me the most wonderful message of support on my voicemail. The man really is a top geezer.

The only blot on his otherwise unblemished character remains his rendering of 'Stairway to Heaven' - a Led Zepellin classic! He received a lot of negative feedback from Led Zep fans who felt that he had gone beyond the pale in desecrating this rock classic. However, Rolf's response was memorable - 'If you don't want people to sing stuff then you shouldn't publish it' - to my shame I found myself nodding in agreement!

I was in Australia earlier this year and (as you do) asked a native aborigine what they thought of Rolf's abilities on the didgeridoo. He told me that as far as most aborigines are concerned Rolf is an excellent player - praise indeed from the very people who invented the instrument, and for whom it plays a very important part in their spiritual and cultural beliefs. While I was over there I had a go at playing the didgeridoo. To my (and everyone else's surprise - especially the aborigine guy) I managed to get a really good sound first time! However, the skill is maintaining a droning note for several minutes without passing out, seeing stars or hyper-ventilating. This requires mastery of circular breathing - being able to breath in through the nose whilst blowing out through the mouth!

Well... a few weeks ago my daughter Becky and her boyfriend Ash brought me back from Oz my very own didgeridoo. A beautiful thing it is too - crafted by both human hands (about 8 hours apparently) and thousands of hardworking termites (about 20 years by all accounts)! I was thrilled to bits and at the moment am desperately trying to master the breathing technique - I'll keep you informed!

Anyway, back to Rolf - whose invention of his Jake the Peg character must be one of entertainment's most unique creations. Well - what can I say - Congratulations to a much loved and great man - Good on yer mate! Champerton, really Champerton!